One
day my Mum returned from a trip and brought my brother and I new toys;
some
random robot with lights in his eyes for me and a remote controlled excavator
for my brother.
My
brain had chosen to not remember all details of the scene but I recall the moment
where she handed us the toys; she kept saying "please look after your toys
this time !!! if anything breaks come see me immediately".
I
left the scene to go enjoy y new toy with my 5 or so years old brain wondering
what was she going to do should anything break. Replace it? Exchange? Fix?
Curiosity
took over the excitement of getting a new toy. I started playing alongside my
brother with my boggled mind.
Then
suddenly, as if the gods had decided to get involved and enlighten my day, my
brother who was busy trying to dig a hole in the gravel covered ground with his
new toy when the arm of his truck broke (now that I think of it, it probably
just unclipped or something). He looked sad - I secretly got excited.
I
was rather sooner than expected going to find out what happens when you break
your band new toy.
Here
we were, like a procession carrying the broken toy to the veranda where my mum
was sitting;
I
was not directly concerned I just joined out of curiosity but my guts still had
suggested I keep safe distance.
My
brother showed his now two - three pieces toy to my Mum with those sad puppy
eyes.
She
gently took it from him, inspected the damages, put the evidences on the floor
by her feet and requested that he brings the broom.
There
I was watching, the tension rising and still with no idea of what was gonna
happen.
Assessing
what part of my robot I may have to break to get the same "reward".
The
broom arrived and in an instant I saw my mum enter a brief moment of craze;
she
flipped the broom and start bashing the truck on the floor angrily and
destroying it further.
I
panicked and ran far away with Gizmo (just named him now).
Twenty
and odd years later , in the middle of what happens to be one of the toughest
period of my professional life I am sitting in a veranda at some hotel and the
scenes of that day came flashing back to my mind.
A
few moments earlier, I was reflecting on the mess I was currently in and I
realize that I have the very bad habit of wanting to make matters worse when I
find myself in an uncomfortable situation.
For
instance, as a teenager when I was running out of pocket money, I would use my
last cents to take a taxi somewhere away from home and land myself somewhere
with no means to get back.
Often
in my life, when things don't go my way, I try to put myself in even deeper
problems;
like
some kind of hunger strike to rebel against the universe.
I
am now wondering if there is a link between the excavator destruction episode
and my hunger strikes.
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